Saturday 7 May 2011
Learning how to get praise - at Work
Get the Recognition You Deserve
Imagine this: You stay late at work, consistently win accounts that your co-workers only dream of, never miss deadlines, and never show up late – and to top it all off, you finish even your worst projects successfully and ahead of schedule.
You'd think that by doing all of this, you would, at least once in a while, get thanks and recognition from management? Well… you wish. Unfortunately, your boss is busy dealing with a "problem" member of staff and, as a result, she forgets to show any gratitude to her stars. That includes you.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Working hard and being ignored by your boss can be rough. That's why you sometimes have to take matters into your own hands.
Boasting of your own accomplishments can feel awkward. But look at it this way: If your boss doesn't notice your hard work, and you don't point it out to him or her, then what happens when you ask for a raise? How will he or she know you're ready for that promotion, or that you're ideal for that huge-but-fascinating project?
Things don't have to be like that. We'll show you how to get the recognition you deserve without looking like you're seeking attention. Believe it or not, there is a way to do this.
Step One: Decide What You Want
There are many types of recognition, so decide what type you want.
Companies often thank staff with awards, certificates, or bonuses. However, people often just want simple praise. We want to know that our work is meaningful and that we've made a difference. An "Employee of the Month" certificate, or a cold, hard check/cheque doesn't always communicate this.
So, what exactly are you looking for? It's important to really define this, because everyone wants something different. Do you want a simple "thank you"? An award ceremony in your honor? A raise?
Step Two: Define Why You Deserve Praise
Don't walk into your boss's office with no advance preparation to say what a great job you've been doing. Why? Firstly, it would seem odd. Then, if you're a bit nervous, you might forget something important that you've done. You might forget the help a co-worker gave you, and leaving that person out could speak poorly of your character. Be sure to make yourself look good, but also share credit where credit is due.
Make a list of the accomplishments you'd like to discuss. Beside each one, list the value that accomplishment has brought to the company.
Step Three: Praise Yourself
This is where you've got to get creative. You know your boss and your business environment, so think of ways to let your boss know how hard you've been working.
If you tell your boss directly, then do it carefully and tactfully – in a private area. You know that list of accomplishments you just created? Read that over a few times before your meeting. As you talk, emphasize how you had help and how your co-workers should be rewarded for their hard work as well.
If this feels a little too much like bragging, then think of ways to let your boss know what you're doing without being so obvious or bold. For example, send your boss an email every time you win a new account, or when you're finally able to please your company's worst customer. These little "progress reports" keep your actions in the open in a delicate, not-too-obvious way.
You can also praise others in front of your boss. By bringing their hard work and accomplishments to your boss's attention, she may also notice the great job that you've been doing. Keep it genuine and honest, however. If you appear insincere, then people may notice, and you may look bad. If you have something good to say, then say it, but don't speak up if you don't really mean it.
Imagine this: You stay late at work, consistently win accounts that your co-workers only dream of, never miss deadlines, and never show up late – and to top it all off, you finish even your worst projects successfully and ahead of schedule.
You'd think that by doing all of this, you would, at least once in a while, get thanks and recognition from management? Well… you wish. Unfortunately, your boss is busy dealing with a "problem" member of staff and, as a result, she forgets to show any gratitude to her stars. That includes you.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Working hard and being ignored by your boss can be rough. That's why you sometimes have to take matters into your own hands.
Boasting of your own accomplishments can feel awkward. But look at it this way: If your boss doesn't notice your hard work, and you don't point it out to him or her, then what happens when you ask for a raise? How will he or she know you're ready for that promotion, or that you're ideal for that huge-but-fascinating project?
Things don't have to be like that. We'll show you how to get the recognition you deserve without looking like you're seeking attention. Believe it or not, there is a way to do this.
Step One: Decide What You Want
There are many types of recognition, so decide what type you want.
Companies often thank staff with awards, certificates, or bonuses. However, people often just want simple praise. We want to know that our work is meaningful and that we've made a difference. An "Employee of the Month" certificate, or a cold, hard check/cheque doesn't always communicate this.
So, what exactly are you looking for? It's important to really define this, because everyone wants something different. Do you want a simple "thank you"? An award ceremony in your honor? A raise?
Step Two: Define Why You Deserve Praise
Don't walk into your boss's office with no advance preparation to say what a great job you've been doing. Why? Firstly, it would seem odd. Then, if you're a bit nervous, you might forget something important that you've done. You might forget the help a co-worker gave you, and leaving that person out could speak poorly of your character. Be sure to make yourself look good, but also share credit where credit is due.
Make a list of the accomplishments you'd like to discuss. Beside each one, list the value that accomplishment has brought to the company.
Step Three: Praise Yourself
This is where you've got to get creative. You know your boss and your business environment, so think of ways to let your boss know how hard you've been working.
If you tell your boss directly, then do it carefully and tactfully – in a private area. You know that list of accomplishments you just created? Read that over a few times before your meeting. As you talk, emphasize how you had help and how your co-workers should be rewarded for their hard work as well.
If this feels a little too much like bragging, then think of ways to let your boss know what you're doing without being so obvious or bold. For example, send your boss an email every time you win a new account, or when you're finally able to please your company's worst customer. These little "progress reports" keep your actions in the open in a delicate, not-too-obvious way.
You can also praise others in front of your boss. By bringing their hard work and accomplishments to your boss's attention, she may also notice the great job that you've been doing. Keep it genuine and honest, however. If you appear insincere, then people may notice, and you may look bad. If you have something good to say, then say it, but don't speak up if you don't really mean it.
A Few Tips
|
Key Points
Although not everyone is comfortable talking about their accomplishments, you might harm yourself if you don't speak up.
If your boss doesn't see the great work you've been doing, he or she might give that promotion or special project to someone else without knowing any better. It's up to you to prove that you can handle the added responsibility – and to do that, your boss has to know what you've already done.
Think of subtle ways to get your boss's attention by talking privately, sending emails about small accomplishments, and praising your teammates when he or she is around to hear it. Even if you keep the focus off yourself, it may get him or her to notice what you've been doing as well.
Although not everyone is comfortable talking about their accomplishments, you might harm yourself if you don't speak up.
If your boss doesn't see the great work you've been doing, he or she might give that promotion or special project to someone else without knowing any better. It's up to you to prove that you can handle the added responsibility – and to do that, your boss has to know what you've already done.
Think of subtle ways to get your boss's attention by talking privately, sending emails about small accomplishments, and praising your teammates when he or she is around to hear it. Even if you keep the focus off yourself, it may get him or her to notice what you've been doing as well.
Apply This to Your Life: Ready to put this into action? Here are some easy ways to use this tool in your life right now:
These are just a few ways you can "raise the bar" in your workplace to get other people thinking about praise and recognition. When you recognize the efforts of your team, you should steadily earn your own praise as well. |
Friday 6 May 2011
Overcome Fears - A Skill
Fear does more to destroy the natural potential that people have than anything else on the planet. Each of us is capable of accomplishing incredible things. The “dream” life is available to each person on this planet. However, fear in its’ many forms creeps in to ruin any chance at achieving our true greatness.
The biggest problem with fear is that it is not real. It is exists in our heads. The mind conjures it up to protect itself from situations that it believes to be painful. Thus, it instills fear to turn us back from the situation that we are about to enter into.
One of the most powerful tools against fear is to remain in the moment. Focus upon what is in front of you. For fear to exist, one must project into the future. Unfortunately, because of the conditioning that we received over the years, our projections forward tend to be negative. Thus, when we look to a situation that is down the road, we view it as not working out to our satisfaction. This instills fear within us since we now must deal with something that we think is not good. However, notice how none of this has taken place. It is all in the mind.
Fortunately for us, most of our fears never come true. Unfortunately, they do a tremendous amount of damage because we allow them to stop us from taking action. It is amazing how powerful the mind is. Fear is such a powerful weapon that it can paralyze someone from taking any action whatsoever.
Realizing that most of what we fear never comes true is another tool against fear. A rational person would not take instructions from something he/she knows does not exist. Knowing that fear is a figment of our imagination allows us to discard what it says much easier. Would you listen to a little green Martian sitting on your shoulder telling you what to do? Fear is as real as that green Martian. Discard what it tells you since it has no basis in reality.
Success in life is a result of getting involved. One cannot win by standing on the sidelines. Fear of rejection, confrontation, and loss keep us from trying new things. There is always a degree of risk that things will not go as we planned. Successful people understand this, minimize the risk, and take action in spite of what their mind is telling them. The overcoming of fear is what allows then to get ahead.
It is said that courage is not the absence of fear, but, rather, the taking of action in spite of the fear. Remember this the next time you feel fearful about a particular situation. Everyone has fear to some degree. Realize that it will not be as bad as you imagine and bravely go forward. Nature loves and rewards those who take action.
The biggest problem with fear is that it is not real. It is exists in our heads. The mind conjures it up to protect itself from situations that it believes to be painful. Thus, it instills fear to turn us back from the situation that we are about to enter into.
One of the most powerful tools against fear is to remain in the moment. Focus upon what is in front of you. For fear to exist, one must project into the future. Unfortunately, because of the conditioning that we received over the years, our projections forward tend to be negative. Thus, when we look to a situation that is down the road, we view it as not working out to our satisfaction. This instills fear within us since we now must deal with something that we think is not good. However, notice how none of this has taken place. It is all in the mind.
Fortunately for us, most of our fears never come true. Unfortunately, they do a tremendous amount of damage because we allow them to stop us from taking action. It is amazing how powerful the mind is. Fear is such a powerful weapon that it can paralyze someone from taking any action whatsoever.
Realizing that most of what we fear never comes true is another tool against fear. A rational person would not take instructions from something he/she knows does not exist. Knowing that fear is a figment of our imagination allows us to discard what it says much easier. Would you listen to a little green Martian sitting on your shoulder telling you what to do? Fear is as real as that green Martian. Discard what it tells you since it has no basis in reality.
Success in life is a result of getting involved. One cannot win by standing on the sidelines. Fear of rejection, confrontation, and loss keep us from trying new things. There is always a degree of risk that things will not go as we planned. Successful people understand this, minimize the risk, and take action in spite of what their mind is telling them. The overcoming of fear is what allows then to get ahead.
It is said that courage is not the absence of fear, but, rather, the taking of action in spite of the fear. Remember this the next time you feel fearful about a particular situation. Everyone has fear to some degree. Realize that it will not be as bad as you imagine and bravely go forward. Nature loves and rewards those who take action.
Stop Porn Addiction - Simple way
Today porn addiction has become the “new elephant in the living room.” Nobody talks about it! It is being ignored, hidden and denied by family members. There are over 40 million people addicted to pornography. Porn is easily accessible and it allows one to remain anonymous. With a computer and Internet access it’s available twenty-four hours a day.
Porn is a thief of dignity, time, creativity, talent, and money. Porn users neglect family, work and social activities due to increasing time online pursuing pornography and cybersex. The addiction will erode one’s mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing.
Who is addicted?
Anyone with a computer, a cell phone or a PDA with Internet access has the opportunity to become addicted to porn. Porn addicts are both male and female and come from all walks of life. Porn addicts suffer extreme emotional pain due to painful unresolved trauma.
Ask yourself about porn, “Can I take it or leave it? Am I obsessed? Has it caused problems in my life? Do I continue with the behavior in spite of my problems?”
Next, go thirty days without looking at porn on or off line. If you really don’t care about it and don’t have a need to use it, if you find yourself rarely thinking about it—then you are probably not addicted.
Treatment is similar for all addictions. Addicts must admit they have a problem and take 100% responsibility for their lives. Recovery from porn addiction has to be a number one priority.
1. Abstinence
Total and complete abstinence from porn is necessary. You will have to clean house. Delete and destroy everything that has to do with your addiction on line and off. Eliminate cable television. Direct your phone company to block area code 900 numbers.
2. Accountability Partners
It is necessary to have a few accountability partners. Choose wise, mature and non-addicted partners. Give them permission to confront you about your porn use.
3. Therapy
Find an experienced therapist that will help you heal your childhood wounds, trauma and addictive behavior. You will discover how to become comfortable with genuine intimacy and loving relationships.
4. Join a support group
Isolation keeps you stuck. You can’t heal by yourself. Support groups have been proven to work. You will find acceptance, support and comfort.
5. Becoming Intimate
In your primary relationships learn to give and receive support and affection. Express feelings, needs and share problems. Intimacy isn’t about sex, it’s about love.
Other important tools for treatment are learning how to cope with cravings, forgive, refocus, communicate, live a balanced life and connect from the heart.
You have the power to create healthy intimate relationships with family and friends. Thomas Henry Huxley said, “Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.”
Porn is a thief of dignity, time, creativity, talent, and money. Porn users neglect family, work and social activities due to increasing time online pursuing pornography and cybersex. The addiction will erode one’s mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing.
Who is addicted?
Anyone with a computer, a cell phone or a PDA with Internet access has the opportunity to become addicted to porn. Porn addicts are both male and female and come from all walks of life. Porn addicts suffer extreme emotional pain due to painful unresolved trauma.
Ask yourself about porn, “Can I take it or leave it? Am I obsessed? Has it caused problems in my life? Do I continue with the behavior in spite of my problems?”
Next, go thirty days without looking at porn on or off line. If you really don’t care about it and don’t have a need to use it, if you find yourself rarely thinking about it—then you are probably not addicted.
Treatment is similar for all addictions. Addicts must admit they have a problem and take 100% responsibility for their lives. Recovery from porn addiction has to be a number one priority.
1. Abstinence
Total and complete abstinence from porn is necessary. You will have to clean house. Delete and destroy everything that has to do with your addiction on line and off. Eliminate cable television. Direct your phone company to block area code 900 numbers.
2. Accountability Partners
It is necessary to have a few accountability partners. Choose wise, mature and non-addicted partners. Give them permission to confront you about your porn use.
3. Therapy
Find an experienced therapist that will help you heal your childhood wounds, trauma and addictive behavior. You will discover how to become comfortable with genuine intimacy and loving relationships.
4. Join a support group
Isolation keeps you stuck. You can’t heal by yourself. Support groups have been proven to work. You will find acceptance, support and comfort.
5. Becoming Intimate
In your primary relationships learn to give and receive support and affection. Express feelings, needs and share problems. Intimacy isn’t about sex, it’s about love.
Other important tools for treatment are learning how to cope with cravings, forgive, refocus, communicate, live a balanced life and connect from the heart.
You have the power to create healthy intimate relationships with family and friends. Thomas Henry Huxley said, “Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.”
Managing Powerful People
Clearly, knowing how to work with powerful people is a critical work skill. Just as you manage your time and your other resources, you also need to know how to “manage” your boss and other powerful people in your life.
This is where you as the subordinate shoulder much of the responsibility. You have to actively build the relationship - or else it has the potential to run right over you. Your boss’ motives may or may not be aligned with what you want to get out of your career. When you’re blessed with a naturally supportive and motivating boss, then building this relationship is not so much an effort as it is a joy. On the other hand, when you encounter a difficult boss (and you eventually will!) you need to develop some key skills for mitigating the negative effects and turning the relationship around.
Effective management of powerful people centers on you and your ability to be an effective subordinate. When you shift the burden of responsibility onto yourself, then you gain the sense of control you need to make the relationship work. This starts with recognizing that although you are subordinate, you can, and must, take action.
To start proactively managing the relationships you have with powerful people, consider the following techniques and strategies.
5 Strategies for Working With Powerful People
1. Accept that your boss is your boss
The first step in managing the relationship is to accept it. Failing to accept this is a problem that many ambitious people have, particularly if the boss is younger or comes from a traditionally disadvantaged group.
Your boss has the power and authority to direct your work. This is what you agreed to when you accepted your job, and it's why you get your paycheck.
Regardless of who the person in power is, you have to deal with him or her and make the best of the situation, so you need to get over any problems you have. So leave your ego and “attitude” at the door – even if you think you should have been the boss, you’re not!
2. Allow your boss to make mistakes.
People with power are not perfect, but neither are you. When you expect too much from your boss, he or she can only disappoint you. Keep things in perspective!
3. Understand your boss’s management style
There are many different, natural styles of management. Some are better than others in certain situations and for certain people. The problem is figuring out what works best when, and for whom. Recognize that your boss is struggling with that exact issue.
Adapt your needs and reactions to your boss’s style and understand your own preferred style as both a subordinate and in managing the relationship with your boss. Here are some prompts that will get you thinking about your boss’s preferred way of working with others:
This is where you as the subordinate shoulder much of the responsibility. You have to actively build the relationship - or else it has the potential to run right over you. Your boss’ motives may or may not be aligned with what you want to get out of your career. When you’re blessed with a naturally supportive and motivating boss, then building this relationship is not so much an effort as it is a joy. On the other hand, when you encounter a difficult boss (and you eventually will!) you need to develop some key skills for mitigating the negative effects and turning the relationship around.
Effective management of powerful people centers on you and your ability to be an effective subordinate. When you shift the burden of responsibility onto yourself, then you gain the sense of control you need to make the relationship work. This starts with recognizing that although you are subordinate, you can, and must, take action.
To start proactively managing the relationships you have with powerful people, consider the following techniques and strategies.
5 Strategies for Working With Powerful People
1. Accept that your boss is your boss
The first step in managing the relationship is to accept it. Failing to accept this is a problem that many ambitious people have, particularly if the boss is younger or comes from a traditionally disadvantaged group.
Your boss has the power and authority to direct your work. This is what you agreed to when you accepted your job, and it's why you get your paycheck.
Regardless of who the person in power is, you have to deal with him or her and make the best of the situation, so you need to get over any problems you have. So leave your ego and “attitude” at the door – even if you think you should have been the boss, you’re not!
2. Allow your boss to make mistakes.
People with power are not perfect, but neither are you. When you expect too much from your boss, he or she can only disappoint you. Keep things in perspective!
3. Understand your boss’s management style
There are many different, natural styles of management. Some are better than others in certain situations and for certain people. The problem is figuring out what works best when, and for whom. Recognize that your boss is struggling with that exact issue.
Adapt your needs and reactions to your boss’s style and understand your own preferred style as both a subordinate and in managing the relationship with your boss. Here are some prompts that will get you thinking about your boss’s preferred way of working with others:
- How does your boss like to receive information? (Memos? Email? Spoken directly? Some other way?)
- How does your boss set out his or her expectations?
- What are your boss’ specific expectations of you in terms of productivity, results, dress, demeanor, etc…?
- What type of communicator is your boss?
- How does he/she handle bad news or unexpected events?
- How does he/she react to his or her own boss?
By knowing what type of management style your boss uses, and understanding the type of style you prefer, you can start to uncover any sources of disagreement and dysfunction and hopefully do something about them.
Another tip is to examine what it is your boss appreciates in his subordinates (how do the “chosen ones” act?) and then try to develop some of those attributes.
Another tip is to examine what it is your boss appreciates in his subordinates (how do the “chosen ones” act?) and then try to develop some of those attributes.
4. Make your Boss Look Good
Everyone responds to praise. When you perform in ways that make your boss look good, he or she will get praise from people higher up in the organization.
Everyone responds to praise. When you perform in ways that make your boss look good, he or she will get praise from people higher up in the organization.
- Solve problems effectively;
- If you’re asked to do something important that seems impossible, do your level best to think creatively;
- If you can’t solve a problem yourself, make sure you have a proposed solution when you go to your boss for help;
- Meet your deadlines, or if you’re going to miss them, make sure your boss knows well in advance and knows why you’re not able to meet them;
- Produce truly outstanding results;
The flip side of this is not to do anything that makes your boss look bad, and not to behave in such a way that he or she has to defend you. After all, if you do something your boss has to defend, other people in the organization will be wondering why he/she is not controlling what’s going on within his/her team.
5. Work Smart
Powerful people appreciate effectiveness and productivity. Learn to work in ways that are designed for optimum results.
Powerful people appreciate effectiveness and productivity. Learn to work in ways that are designed for optimum results.
- If you can avoid it, don't say “can’t” – powerful people are used to getting what they want so make sure you deliver, even if what you submit is a renegotiated deliverable.
- Respect their time – powerful people are in demand therefore you need to present your ideas quickly and succinctly;
- Learn to read between the lines – powerful people often don’t explain things fully – they expect you to “get” what they are saying. Find a source of information that will bring up to speed as needed;
- Deliver results – when you are given a directive, get it done;
- Work independently when appropriate;
Key Points
To have a successful career you need to deal effectively with powerful people. The most important powerful person in your career is your direct boss. With the right management, you can develop a great relationship with your boss and find the support and resources you need to reach your career goals. By managing the relationship, you recognize and appreciate your differing needs and then work to find ways to adapt. Start today to find ways of communicating with your boss, and begin to experience more work satisfaction and better results.
To have a successful career you need to deal effectively with powerful people. The most important powerful person in your career is your direct boss. With the right management, you can develop a great relationship with your boss and find the support and resources you need to reach your career goals. By managing the relationship, you recognize and appreciate your differing needs and then work to find ways to adapt. Start today to find ways of communicating with your boss, and begin to experience more work satisfaction and better results.
Manage Your Boss - A Key Skill
"Managing" Your Boss - A Key Skill
Clearly, knowing how to work with powerful people is a critical work skill. Just as you manage your time and your other resources, you also need to know how to “manage” your boss and other powerful people in your life.
This is where you as the subordinate shoulder much of the responsibility. You have to actively build the relationship - or else it has the potential to run right over you. Your boss’ motives may or may not be aligned with what you want to get out of your career. When you’re blessed with a naturally supportive and motivating boss, then building this relationship is not so much an effort as it is a joy. On the other hand, when you encounter a difficult boss (and you eventually will!) you need to develop some key skills for mitigating the negative effects and turning the relationship around.
Effective management of powerful people centers on you and your ability to be an effective subordinate. When you shift the burden of responsibility onto yourself, then you gain the sense of control you need to make the relationship work. This starts with recognizing that although you are subordinate, you can, and must, take action.
To start proactively managing the relationships you have with powerful people, consider the following techniques and strategies.
5 Strategies for Working With Powerful People
1. Accept that your boss is your boss
The first step in managing the relationship is to accept it. Failing to accept this is a problem that many ambitious people have, particularly if the boss is younger or comes from a traditionally disadvantaged group.
Your boss has the power and authority to direct your work. This is what you agreed to when you accepted your job, and it's why you get your paycheck.
Regardless of who the person in power is, you have to deal with him or her and make the best of the situation, so you need to get over any problems you have. So leave your ego and “attitude” at the door – even if you think you should have been the boss, you’re not!
2. Allow your boss to make mistakes.
People with power are not perfect, but neither are you. When you expect too much from your boss, he or she can only disappoint you. Keep things in perspective!
3. Understand your boss’s management style
There are many different, natural styles of management. Some are better than others in certain situations and for certain people. The problem is figuring out what works best when, and for whom. Recognize that your boss is struggling with that exact issue.
Adapt your needs and reactions to your boss’s style and understand your own preferred style as both a subordinate and in managing the relationship with your boss. Here are some prompts that will get you thinking about your boss’s preferred way of working with others:
Clearly, knowing how to work with powerful people is a critical work skill. Just as you manage your time and your other resources, you also need to know how to “manage” your boss and other powerful people in your life.
This is where you as the subordinate shoulder much of the responsibility. You have to actively build the relationship - or else it has the potential to run right over you. Your boss’ motives may or may not be aligned with what you want to get out of your career. When you’re blessed with a naturally supportive and motivating boss, then building this relationship is not so much an effort as it is a joy. On the other hand, when you encounter a difficult boss (and you eventually will!) you need to develop some key skills for mitigating the negative effects and turning the relationship around.
Effective management of powerful people centers on you and your ability to be an effective subordinate. When you shift the burden of responsibility onto yourself, then you gain the sense of control you need to make the relationship work. This starts with recognizing that although you are subordinate, you can, and must, take action.
To start proactively managing the relationships you have with powerful people, consider the following techniques and strategies.
5 Strategies for Working With Powerful People
1. Accept that your boss is your boss
The first step in managing the relationship is to accept it. Failing to accept this is a problem that many ambitious people have, particularly if the boss is younger or comes from a traditionally disadvantaged group.
Your boss has the power and authority to direct your work. This is what you agreed to when you accepted your job, and it's why you get your paycheck.
Regardless of who the person in power is, you have to deal with him or her and make the best of the situation, so you need to get over any problems you have. So leave your ego and “attitude” at the door – even if you think you should have been the boss, you’re not!
2. Allow your boss to make mistakes.
People with power are not perfect, but neither are you. When you expect too much from your boss, he or she can only disappoint you. Keep things in perspective!
3. Understand your boss’s management style
There are many different, natural styles of management. Some are better than others in certain situations and for certain people. The problem is figuring out what works best when, and for whom. Recognize that your boss is struggling with that exact issue.
Adapt your needs and reactions to your boss’s style and understand your own preferred style as both a subordinate and in managing the relationship with your boss. Here are some prompts that will get you thinking about your boss’s preferred way of working with others:
- How does your boss like to receive information? (Memos? Email? Spoken directly? Some other way?)
- How does your boss set out his or her expectations?
- What are your boss’ specific expectations of you in terms of productivity, results, dress, demeanor, etc…?
- What type of communicator is your boss?
- How does he/she handle bad news or unexpected events?
- How does he/she react to his or her own boss?
By knowing what type of management style your boss uses, and understanding the type of style you prefer, you can start to uncover any sources of disagreement and dysfunction and hopefully do something about them.
Another tip is to examine what it is your boss appreciates in his subordinates (how do the “chosen ones” act?) and then try to develop some of those attributes.
Another tip is to examine what it is your boss appreciates in his subordinates (how do the “chosen ones” act?) and then try to develop some of those attributes.
4. Make your Boss Look Good
Everyone responds to praise. When you perform in ways that make your boss look good, he or she will get praise from people higher up in the organization.
Everyone responds to praise. When you perform in ways that make your boss look good, he or she will get praise from people higher up in the organization.
- Solve problems effectively;
- If you’re asked to do something important that seems impossible, do your level best to think creatively;
- If you can’t solve a problem yourself, make sure you have a proposed solution when you go to your boss for help;
- Meet your deadlines, or if you’re going to miss them, make sure your boss knows well in advance and knows why you’re not able to meet them;
- Produce truly outstanding results;
The flip side of this is not to do anything that makes your boss look bad, and not to behave in such a way that he or she has to defend you. After all, if you do something your boss has to defend, other people in the organization will be wondering why he/she is not controlling what’s going on within his/her team.
5. Work Smart
Powerful people appreciate effectiveness and productivity. Learn to work in ways that are designed for optimum results.
Powerful people appreciate effectiveness and productivity. Learn to work in ways that are designed for optimum results.
- If you can avoid it, don't say “can’t” – powerful people are used to getting what they want so make sure you deliver, even if what you submit is a renegotiated deliverable.
- Respect their time – powerful people are in demand therefore you need to present your ideas quickly and succinctly;
- Learn to read between the lines – powerful people often don’t explain things fully – they expect you to “get” what they are saying. Find a source of information that will bring up to speed as needed;
- Deliver results – when you are given a directive, get it done;
- Work independently when appropriate;
Key Points
To have a successful career you need to deal effectively with powerful people. The most important powerful person in your career is your direct boss. With the right management, you can develop a great relationship with your boss and find the support and resources you need to reach your career goals. By managing the relationship, you recognize and appreciate your differing needs and then work to find ways to adapt. Start today to find ways of communicating with your boss, and begin to experience more work satisfaction and better results.
To have a successful career you need to deal effectively with powerful people. The most important powerful person in your career is your direct boss. With the right management, you can develop a great relationship with your boss and find the support and resources you need to reach your career goals. By managing the relationship, you recognize and appreciate your differing needs and then work to find ways to adapt. Start today to find ways of communicating with your boss, and begin to experience more work satisfaction and better results.
Mistakes You must Avoid
How many times did you realize this - you set the goal and the goal doesn’t happen. In this article I’m going to share with you three common mistakes that people make as they’re working towards their goals.
The first mistake is that their goal is not really what they want. Many people set goals simply because they think it’s a goal that they would want to have. Very often, it is income goals, or even lifestyle goals. But what they really want inside is more time with their family or even a higher sense of self-esteem, which may not even come from having a big income. So very importantly, the first thing you have to do before you even set a goal is to clarify what kind of goal you want for yourself. And once you have got that out of the way then you have one mistake that you will not commit.
The second mistake people make is that as they are working towards their goals, their goals are not clear enough. Clarity is power; you will only hit your target if you can clearly see where your target is. If you have a very vague goal with no timeline, with no specificity or any way to measure if you have hit the goal or not, chances are there is no way you can even get close to reaching that goal. And that is mistake number two.
Finally, the third common mistake that people make as they’re working towards their goals is that their goals are just not motivating enough. If you have set a goal for yourself that you didn’t really truly want or simply isn’t big enough to inspire you into action, then chances are, there is no way that goal is going to happen. Find a goal for yourself that is motivating for you. First of all figure out what values you have and what is your purpose in life. If you have goals, which are align to your values and purpose, chances are you will be very motivated towards achieving those goals. Using the techniques of Neuro Linguistic Programming, you could easily tap into your subconscious to find out for yourself what are the goals that really motivate you.
There you go, I’ve just share with you the three common mistakes that people make as they’re working towards there goal. Go ahead, as you are crafting the goals for yourself, make sure that these three mistakes are not committed.
The first mistake is that their goal is not really what they want. Many people set goals simply because they think it’s a goal that they would want to have. Very often, it is income goals, or even lifestyle goals. But what they really want inside is more time with their family or even a higher sense of self-esteem, which may not even come from having a big income. So very importantly, the first thing you have to do before you even set a goal is to clarify what kind of goal you want for yourself. And once you have got that out of the way then you have one mistake that you will not commit.
The second mistake people make is that as they are working towards their goals, their goals are not clear enough. Clarity is power; you will only hit your target if you can clearly see where your target is. If you have a very vague goal with no timeline, with no specificity or any way to measure if you have hit the goal or not, chances are there is no way you can even get close to reaching that goal. And that is mistake number two.
Finally, the third common mistake that people make as they’re working towards their goals is that their goals are just not motivating enough. If you have set a goal for yourself that you didn’t really truly want or simply isn’t big enough to inspire you into action, then chances are, there is no way that goal is going to happen. Find a goal for yourself that is motivating for you. First of all figure out what values you have and what is your purpose in life. If you have goals, which are align to your values and purpose, chances are you will be very motivated towards achieving those goals. Using the techniques of Neuro Linguistic Programming, you could easily tap into your subconscious to find out for yourself what are the goals that really motivate you.
There you go, I’ve just share with you the three common mistakes that people make as they’re working towards there goal. Go ahead, as you are crafting the goals for yourself, make sure that these three mistakes are not committed.
Get Everything You Truly Want
Many of us, whether we know it or not, live within a prison of our own making. This prison has no metal bars, nor can its walls be seen by the naked eye; however, it is every bit as effective in keeping us from our freedom as a real prison cell. It’s called our comfort zone.
Comfort zones can take on a variety of different forms, from the area in which you live and the circle of people with whom you socialise, to the amount of money you earn.
The primary force that keeps you living within your zone is your fear-based belief about what will happen if you move outside it.
Regardless of how ridiculous or unrealistic that belief may be, you will accept it as truth depending on the level of certainty you feel.
Your comfort zone is not really comfortable at all, but is really a virtual prison that keeps you from evolving and growing as a human being.
The bars to that prison are your fears about what may possibly happen if you move beyond them. The key to your freedom therefore lies in the removal of the underlying beliefs that cause those fears to exist.
Just for a moment think about a goal or dream you have that seems somehow out of reach. Now check to see if achieving it requires that you move out of your comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory.
It could be a dream job, a new relationship, starting your own business, losing weight, or living in a totally different part of the world.
As you do this little exercise notice how a subtle feeling of fear or nervousness begins to emerge in your chest or stomach area.
This is your unconscious mind springing into action with the intention of dissuading you from doing anything it perceives may put you in danger.
Most of the time you won’t notice the constant influence your comfort zone plays in your life, and you might find yourself placing the blame for your lack of progress towards your goals on laziness or procrastination.
However, if you stop and consider just for a moment why you can’t seem to get that item crossed off your to-do list, make that phone call, or fill out that application, you will begin to realise the true cause: What you want to do is outside your comfort zone.
It is your beliefs that direct your mind to do this; therefore, in order to break through your self-imposed limitations and achieve the success you desire, you will need to remove them.
Comfort zones can take on a variety of different forms, from the area in which you live and the circle of people with whom you socialise, to the amount of money you earn.
The primary force that keeps you living within your zone is your fear-based belief about what will happen if you move outside it.
Regardless of how ridiculous or unrealistic that belief may be, you will accept it as truth depending on the level of certainty you feel.
Your comfort zone is not really comfortable at all, but is really a virtual prison that keeps you from evolving and growing as a human being.
The bars to that prison are your fears about what may possibly happen if you move beyond them. The key to your freedom therefore lies in the removal of the underlying beliefs that cause those fears to exist.
Just for a moment think about a goal or dream you have that seems somehow out of reach. Now check to see if achieving it requires that you move out of your comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory.
It could be a dream job, a new relationship, starting your own business, losing weight, or living in a totally different part of the world.
As you do this little exercise notice how a subtle feeling of fear or nervousness begins to emerge in your chest or stomach area.
This is your unconscious mind springing into action with the intention of dissuading you from doing anything it perceives may put you in danger.
Most of the time you won’t notice the constant influence your comfort zone plays in your life, and you might find yourself placing the blame for your lack of progress towards your goals on laziness or procrastination.
However, if you stop and consider just for a moment why you can’t seem to get that item crossed off your to-do list, make that phone call, or fill out that application, you will begin to realise the true cause: What you want to do is outside your comfort zone.
It is your beliefs that direct your mind to do this; therefore, in order to break through your self-imposed limitations and achieve the success you desire, you will need to remove them.
How to Become a Wise Person
By allowing yourself to say “I changed my mind” and “I was wrong,” you will experience newfound freedom. You will have taken 7 powerful steps towards the mystic virtue of wisdom.
“I changed my mind.”
These are four of the most powerful words in the English language. They can prevent you from being manipulated into an undesirable outcome and launch you on the road to personal and spiritual growth. Depriving yourself of the freedom to change your mind will lock you into a rigid mindset that can hamper your successes and your development.
Early in life you may have been led to believe it’s not good to change your mind. There are numerous words with negative connotations associated with those who do change their minds: fickle, indecisive, hesitant, unsure, wavering, erratic or wishy-washy. You’d much prefer to be known as steadfast, decisive, confident and sure.
Skilled manipulators use this near-universal conditioning against you every day. For example, how many times has a salesman asked you, “Are you in a position to make a decision today?” Once you agree to this proposition, you’ll feel pressure to “make a decision today,” and buy the product, even if you have reservations. After all, if you don’t buy, you’d be indecisive.
But this is not what changing your mind is all about. Changing your mind means that after thinking about the subject or after gathering more complete information, you came to a different conclusion - a better and more informed decision. This is not being indecisive. It’s being logical, prudent and wise.
What would happen if you weren’t allowed to change your mind? You’d be forced to believe the sun revolves around the earth. Your evolution on every level depends on your ability to assimilate new information and “change your mind” as to what it means and how it applies.
Psychologists call the unease you feel when you hold two conflicting opinions cognitive dissonance. The theory is that you will be unwilling to simultaneously hold two apparently contradictory beliefs in your mind and will attempt to modify one or the other to minimize the dissonance or conflict.
If you told the salesman that “you would be in a position to make a decision today,” and yet, you feel you need more time to gather additional information and think it through, you are experiencing dissonance. The skilled salesman will use your cognitive dissonance to push you to a buying decision today! If he lets you think it over, you may not make the purchase or may buy from someone else. Ever buy a new car after talking to only one dealer?
Imagine what would happen with instances of more deep-seated beliefs. You think so-and-so is the best candidate, the finest restaurant or the fastest car. To complicate matters, also imagine that you are on record as publicly stating that so-and-so is the best candidate, the finest restaurant or the fastest car. You have invested your “credibility” in this belief. What happens when new evidence comes along that contradicts this deep-seated belief? You immediately discount it.
Not only do you have the dissonance associated with trying to hold two contradictory beliefs in your mind simultaneously, but, even worse, if you accept the new idea, that might mean the first one was WRONG and you’ve lost your invested credibility!
How would most people handle the situation? Most people don’t like being wrong, so they would either ignore the new idea or, even worse, come up with all sorts of counter arguments as to why it’s wrong. In extreme cases, they may outright lie to others and to themselves, just to avoid the cognitive dissonance. To an independent observer, this appears totally irrational. To a student of human behavior, it is understandable.
As mystics, we’re after the truth. So if it turns out the second idea is more accurate, serves us better, or is otherwise superior to the first, we owe it to ourselves and to others to accept it, at least until a better idea comes along. We may be forced to utter three words that are even more powerful than “I changed my mind”:
“I was wrong.”
Being able to admit a mistake is a sign of humility, which is a prized mystic virtue. It does not mean you’re a doormat or that you are subservient to somebody else. Changing your mind after gathering more complete information and thoroughly thinking things through is a sign of being logical, thorough, thoughtful and wise. Your prime allegiance is to the truth, regardless of where it originates.
There is tremendous freedom in uttering these powerful words. Your cognitive dissonance vanishes. You don’t have to expend any energy defending the idea of “being right.” You are free to pursue the truth without baggage.
Once you get into the habit of allowing yourself to say “I changed my mind” and “I was wrongFree Reprint Articles,” you will experience newfound freedom. You will have taken 7 powerful steps towards the mystic virtue of wisdom. You will have also added the foundation of another mystic virtue: detachment. We will discuss more mystic virtues in future newsletters.
Understanding Other's Body Language
Have you ever been in the situation when you really didn't believe what someone was saying? Did you have a sense that something didn't ring true or a gut feeling that all was not right? Perhaps they were saying 'Yes' yet their heads were shaking 'No'?
The difference between the words people speak and our understanding of what they are saying comes from non-verbal communication, otherwise known as "body language". By developing your awareness of the signs and signals of body language, you can more easily understand other people, and more effectively communicate with them.
There are sometimes subtle - and sometimes not so subtle – movements, gestures, facial expressions and even shifts in our whole bodies that indicate something is going on. The way we talk, walk, sit and stand all say something about us, and whatever is happening on the inside can be reflected on the outside.
By becoming more aware of this body language and understanding what it might mean, you can learn to read people more easily. This puts you in a better position to communicate effectively with them. What's more, by increasing your understanding of others, you can also become more aware of the messages that you convey to them.
This article will explain many of the ways in which we communicate non-verbally, so that you can use these signs and signals to communicate more effectively.
How We Communicate
A famous study by Albert Mehrabian found that non-verbal language makes up 55% of how we communicate in face-to-face interactions. He also concluded that we communicate as much as 38% of our message through our voice (tone, pitch, and so on), with as little as 7% through the words we actually say.
Understanding and recognizing the signs and signals that make up this 55% can help you when you communicate with others. There are times when we send mixed messages – we say one thing yet our body language reveals something different. This non-verbal language will affect how we act and react to others, and how they react to us.
So, let's take a look at some scenarios, and see how body language influences your perception and reactions.
First Impressions and Confidence
Recall a time when you met someone new at work. Or think about the last time you watched a speaker deliver a presentation.
What were your first impressions? Did you sense confidence or a lack of confidence in them? Did you want to associate with them or not? Were you convinced by them?
Did they stride into the room, engage you and maintain eye contact or were they tentative, shuffling towards you with eyes averted, before sliding into a chair? What about their handshake – firm and strong or weak and limp?
Moving along in the conversation, did they maintain solid eye contact or were they frequently looking away? Did their face appear relaxed or was it tight and tense? What about their hand and arm movements? Were their gestures wide, flowing and open or were they tight, jerky and closed?
As you observe others, you can identify some common signs and signals that give away whether they are feeling confident or not. Typical things to look for in confident people include:
The difference between the words people speak and our understanding of what they are saying comes from non-verbal communication, otherwise known as "body language". By developing your awareness of the signs and signals of body language, you can more easily understand other people, and more effectively communicate with them.
There are sometimes subtle - and sometimes not so subtle – movements, gestures, facial expressions and even shifts in our whole bodies that indicate something is going on. The way we talk, walk, sit and stand all say something about us, and whatever is happening on the inside can be reflected on the outside.
By becoming more aware of this body language and understanding what it might mean, you can learn to read people more easily. This puts you in a better position to communicate effectively with them. What's more, by increasing your understanding of others, you can also become more aware of the messages that you convey to them.
This article will explain many of the ways in which we communicate non-verbally, so that you can use these signs and signals to communicate more effectively.
How We Communicate
A famous study by Albert Mehrabian found that non-verbal language makes up 55% of how we communicate in face-to-face interactions. He also concluded that we communicate as much as 38% of our message through our voice (tone, pitch, and so on), with as little as 7% through the words we actually say.
Understanding and recognizing the signs and signals that make up this 55% can help you when you communicate with others. There are times when we send mixed messages – we say one thing yet our body language reveals something different. This non-verbal language will affect how we act and react to others, and how they react to us.
So, let's take a look at some scenarios, and see how body language influences your perception and reactions.
First Impressions and Confidence
Recall a time when you met someone new at work. Or think about the last time you watched a speaker deliver a presentation.
What were your first impressions? Did you sense confidence or a lack of confidence in them? Did you want to associate with them or not? Were you convinced by them?
Did they stride into the room, engage you and maintain eye contact or were they tentative, shuffling towards you with eyes averted, before sliding into a chair? What about their handshake – firm and strong or weak and limp?
Moving along in the conversation, did they maintain solid eye contact or were they frequently looking away? Did their face appear relaxed or was it tight and tense? What about their hand and arm movements? Were their gestures wide, flowing and open or were they tight, jerky and closed?
As you observe others, you can identify some common signs and signals that give away whether they are feeling confident or not. Typical things to look for in confident people include:
- Posture – standing tall with shoulders back.
- Eye contact – solid with a 'smiling' face.
- Gestures with hands and arms – purposeful and deliberate.
- Speech – slow and clear.
- Tone of voice – moderate to low.
As well as deciphering other people's the body language, you can use this knowledge to convey feelings that you're not actually experiencing.
For example, if you are about to enter into a situation where you are not as confident as you'd like to be, such as giving a big presentation or attending an important meeting, you can adopt these 'confidence' signs and signals to project confidence.
Let's now look at another scenario.
Difficult Meetings and Defensiveness
Think of a time when you were in a difficult meeting – perhaps a performance appraisal or one where you are negotiating deadlines, responsibilities or a contract. In an ideal world, both you and the other person would be open and receptive to hearing what each other has to say, in order to conclude the meeting successfully.
However, often, the other person is defensive and doesn't really listen. If this happens during an appraisal meeting, and it's important for you to convey to your colleague that he or she needs to change certain behaviors, you really want them open and receptive to you so they take on board what you are saying.
So how can you tell whether your message is falling on "deaf ears"?
Some of the common signs that the person you are speaking with may be feeling defensive include:
For example, if you are about to enter into a situation where you are not as confident as you'd like to be, such as giving a big presentation or attending an important meeting, you can adopt these 'confidence' signs and signals to project confidence.
Let's now look at another scenario.
Difficult Meetings and Defensiveness
Think of a time when you were in a difficult meeting – perhaps a performance appraisal or one where you are negotiating deadlines, responsibilities or a contract. In an ideal world, both you and the other person would be open and receptive to hearing what each other has to say, in order to conclude the meeting successfully.
However, often, the other person is defensive and doesn't really listen. If this happens during an appraisal meeting, and it's important for you to convey to your colleague that he or she needs to change certain behaviors, you really want them open and receptive to you so they take on board what you are saying.
So how can you tell whether your message is falling on "deaf ears"?
Some of the common signs that the person you are speaking with may be feeling defensive include:
- Hand/arm gestures are small and close to his or her body.
- Facial expressions are minimal.
- Body is physically turned away from you.
- Arms are crossed in front of body.
- Eyes maintain little contact, or are downcast.
By picking up these signs, you can change what you say or how you say it to help the other person become more at ease, and more receptive to what you are saying.
Equally, if you are feeling somewhat defensive going into a negotiating situation, you can monitor your own body language to ensure that the messages you are conveying are ones that say that you are open and receptive to what is being discussed.
Working with Groups and Disengagement
Have you ever delivered a presentation, and had a sense that people weren't really buying into what you had to say? What about working with a group to facilitate a consensus on responsibilities and deadlines? Was everyone on board with the ideas, or did some appear disengaged?
Ideally, when you stand up to deliver a presentation or work with group, you want 100% engagement with all concerned. This often doesn't happen on its own, though. But you can actively engage the audience when you need to if you're alert to some of the typical signs and signals of people not being engaged. Some of these signs and signals include:
Equally, if you are feeling somewhat defensive going into a negotiating situation, you can monitor your own body language to ensure that the messages you are conveying are ones that say that you are open and receptive to what is being discussed.
Working with Groups and Disengagement
Have you ever delivered a presentation, and had a sense that people weren't really buying into what you had to say? What about working with a group to facilitate a consensus on responsibilities and deadlines? Was everyone on board with the ideas, or did some appear disengaged?
Ideally, when you stand up to deliver a presentation or work with group, you want 100% engagement with all concerned. This often doesn't happen on its own, though. But you can actively engage the audience when you need to if you're alert to some of the typical signs and signals of people not being engaged. Some of these signs and signals include:
- Heads are down.
- Eyes are glazed, or gazing at something else.
- Hands may be picking at cloths, or fiddling with pens.
- People may be writing or doodling.
- They may be sitting slumped in their chairs.
When you pick up that someone appears not to be engaged in what is going on, you can do something to re-engage him or her and bring their focus back to what you are saying, such as asking them a direct question.
And while this is going on, make sure that your own body language is saying what you want it to.
Lying
Of all the non-verbal body language that we may observe, being able to tell whether a person is lying or not will stand you in good stead.
Some of the typical signs and signals that a person is lying include:
And while this is going on, make sure that your own body language is saying what you want it to.
Lying
Of all the non-verbal body language that we may observe, being able to tell whether a person is lying or not will stand you in good stead.
Some of the typical signs and signals that a person is lying include:
- Eyes maintain little or no eye contact, or there may be rapid eye movements, with pupils constricted.
- Hand or fingers are in front of his or her mouth when speaking.
- His or her body is physically turned away from you, or there are unusual/un-natural body gestures.
- His or her breathing rate increases.
- Complexion changes such as in color; red in face or neck area.
- Perspiration increases.
- Voice changes such as change in pitch, stammering, throat clearing.
As with all non-verbal language, it's important to remember here that everyone's personal body language is slightly different. If you notice some of the typical non-verbal signs of lying, you shouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions, as many of these signals can be confused with the appearance of nervousness. What you should do, however, is use these signals as a prompt to probe further, ask more questions and explore the area in more detail to determine whether they are being truthful or not.
Further clarification is always worthwhile when checking out your understanding of someone's body language, and this is particularly true during job interviews and in negotiating situations.
Interviews and Negotiations, and Reflection
What do you do when you are asked a really good question? Do you ponder for a few moments before answering?
You might simply blurt something out without taking time to think about the answer, or you could take a moment to reflect before answering. By taking some time to reflect on your response, you are indicating to the questioner that they've asked you a good question and it is important enough for you to take some time to consider your answer.
Be that in an interview situation or when negotiating something with someone, showing that you are indeed thinking over your answer is a positive thing. Some typical signs and signals that a person is reflecting on their answer include:
Further clarification is always worthwhile when checking out your understanding of someone's body language, and this is particularly true during job interviews and in negotiating situations.
Interviews and Negotiations, and Reflection
What do you do when you are asked a really good question? Do you ponder for a few moments before answering?
You might simply blurt something out without taking time to think about the answer, or you could take a moment to reflect before answering. By taking some time to reflect on your response, you are indicating to the questioner that they've asked you a good question and it is important enough for you to take some time to consider your answer.
Be that in an interview situation or when negotiating something with someone, showing that you are indeed thinking over your answer is a positive thing. Some typical signs and signals that a person is reflecting on their answer include:
- Eyes look away and return to engage contact only when answering.
- Finger stroking on chin.
- Hand to cheek.
- Head tilted with eyes looking up.
So, whether you are on the receiving end of someone pondering, or you are doing the pondering, there are certain gestures that give it away.
One size does NOT fit all
We mentioned earlier that each person is unique, and that their signs and signals might have a different underlying cause from the ones you suspect. This is often the case when people have different past experiences, and particularly where cultural differences are large. This is why it's important to check that your interpretation of someone else's body language is correct. You might do this through the use of further questions, or simply by getting to know the person better.
To help practice and further develop your skill in picking up body language, engage in people-watching. Observe people – be that on a bus/train or on television without the sound – and just notice how they act and react to each other. When you watch others, try to guess what they are saying or get a sense of what is going on between them.
Even if you do not get the chance to check whether you are correct in your assessment, you will be developing your observational skills. This in turn can help you to pick up signals when you are interacting with others.
One size does NOT fit all
We mentioned earlier that each person is unique, and that their signs and signals might have a different underlying cause from the ones you suspect. This is often the case when people have different past experiences, and particularly where cultural differences are large. This is why it's important to check that your interpretation of someone else's body language is correct. You might do this through the use of further questions, or simply by getting to know the person better.
To help practice and further develop your skill in picking up body language, engage in people-watching. Observe people – be that on a bus/train or on television without the sound – and just notice how they act and react to each other. When you watch others, try to guess what they are saying or get a sense of what is going on between them.
Even if you do not get the chance to check whether you are correct in your assessment, you will be developing your observational skills. This in turn can help you to pick up signals when you are interacting with others.
Tip: As well as learning to read body language, people often consciously use it to project messages and reinforce what they're saying – we can all call to mind the body language used by a "slippery" used-car salesman. Whether or not this is acceptable depends on the situation. It's fine to put on a "brave face" when you're about to meet someone or do a presentation. However, it's not acceptable if you're trying to persuade someone to do something that's against their interests – what's more, the gestures you can't control may give you away, leading to a serious loss of trust and credibility. |
Key Points:
Body language accounts for as much as 55% of how we communicate, and can reflect quite accurately what's going on inside us.
Body language includes body movements and gestures (legs, arms, hands, head and torso), posture, muscle tension, eye contact, skin coloring (flushed red), even people's breathing rate and perspiration. Additionally, the tone of voice, the rate of speech and the pitch of the voice all add to the words that are being used.
It is important to recognize that body language may vary between individuals, and between different cultures and nationalities. It is therefore essential to verify and confirm the signals that you are reading, by questioning the individual and getting to know the person.
Body language accounts for as much as 55% of how we communicate, and can reflect quite accurately what's going on inside us.
Body language includes body movements and gestures (legs, arms, hands, head and torso), posture, muscle tension, eye contact, skin coloring (flushed red), even people's breathing rate and perspiration. Additionally, the tone of voice, the rate of speech and the pitch of the voice all add to the words that are being used.
It is important to recognize that body language may vary between individuals, and between different cultures and nationalities. It is therefore essential to verify and confirm the signals that you are reading, by questioning the individual and getting to know the person.
Thursday 5 May 2011
Bring Happiness in Life
Some people believe that achieving happiness is the purpose of life, yet the pursuit of happiness often leads to unhappiness. This is because happiness is actually a consequence of a different life purpose - the pursuit of evolving our souls in our ability to love ourselves and others.
When achieving happiness is your goal, you might pursue this in three different ways:
1. You might pursue momentary pleasure, believing that your happiness is the same as pleasure. When this is your belief, you might pursue happiness through substances such as alcohol, drugs, nicotine, or food. Or you might pursue happiness through activities such as sex, spending or gambling.
2. If you believe that your happiness is attached to money and the outcome of things regarding money, you might pursue control over outcomes through spending most of your time working, as well as accumulating and managing money.
3. If you believe that your happiness is attached to people, you might pursue control over getting love, approval, attention, admiration, or acknowledgement.
While momentary pleasure feels good, it is just momentary. Which means that you need to keep on doing whatever you believe will bring you happiness, over and over. This is what creates addictions - the pursuit of what you believe will avoid pain and bring pleasure. The problem is that none of these pursuits bring deep and abiding happiness, because their effects are always momentary.
True happiness is not the result of DOING, but of a way of BEING. Rather than being a result of the momentary pleasures of the outside world, it is the result of your intention to evolve daily as a loving human being.
What does this mean?
This means that ongoing happiness is the result of choosing the spiritual path of kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance.
Yet it is not enough to express kindness and compassion toward others. Many have tried this and still end up feeling empty and angry when the deep happiness they desire continues to elude them.
The path toward happiness starts with opening to learning about what is most loving and compassionate toward YOURSELF. You can have all the things that people believe will bring happiness - money, a good relationship, a family, work you enjoy - yet if you are critical and judgmental toward yourself instead of accepting and compassionate with yourself, you will not feel happy.
Imagine a child who seemingly has everything - tons of toys, the best schools, great vacations, lots of friends. But imagine that this child has parents who ignore him or her, or who are very critical, judgmental and controlling of him or her. This child will not be happy, no matter how many external things he or she has.
Imagine that this child is you - the feelings within you. How are you treating this child? How do you treat your feelings? Do you ignore your feelings and cover them over with substance or process addictions? Are you judgmental of yourself, constantly telling yourself that you are not good enough, that you are inadequate in some way?
Ignoring or judging yourself will always lead to unhappiness, so matter how much you have in the external world or how loving you are to others. Until you decide to start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you, deep and abiding happiness will elude you. As long as you are treating yourself the way your parents may have treated you or themselves, you will continue to feel the emptiness and aloneness that comes from self-abandonment.
If you want to experience true happiness, then start to pay attention to your own feelings with a deep desire to learn about what you are doing or not doing that is causing your pain and unhappiness. Happiness will be the natural consequence of your willingness to take full, 100% responsibility for your own feelings, and learn about and take action regarding what truly brings you joy.
How to Become Successful in Life
Take a deep breath, close your eyes and imagine how you’d respond to the following scenario:
You’ve been told that you have only two weeks left to live. Now, after the shock wears off, what would you do next? How different would the next two weeks be compared to the way you’ve been living thus far? Would it be any different at all?
Take a look around at the day to day lives of your friends and family members. It seems to be human nature to put off one’s idea of happiness until…”I graduate,” “I earn and save more,” “I get married,” or “I’m done raising my family.” THEN, I’ll be able to play, to have fun and travel, or pursue my dream. What’s up with that? Why should all of the other things come first? Why not simultaneously? Have you wasted what could be very precious time by putting your life on hold until – whenever?
Somewhere along the line, society seems to have programmed us into believing that the majority cannot live life and be happy simultaneously. But there are many who threw caution to the wind and believed that they could have the best of both worlds – and do. They are living proof that it all comes down to belief. If you believe that you can have the life you want, doing the things you want, with the people you want by your side, then the universe will make it happen for you.
Take Tanya and Daria, 28 year old twins with completely different takes on life. Tanya has always been outgoing, a free spirit who enjoys life at every turn and believes that she is destined to have all the successes that she seeks. Daria, on the other hand, lives her life very cautiously and believes that you must take care of your duties before you can reap the benefits, and happiness and the freedom to pursue dreams is something that must be waited for. Yes, they are completely like night and day. Which one would you think is most successful and happy? Is it Tanya who takes risks, invites failure and strives to make her own happiness daily, or Daria who treats her life like a linear progression by finishing school, going to grad school, moving up the corporate ladder, getting married, having children etc.? Actually in their own ways they are both happy and successful. They’ve each accomplished all that they’ve set out to. However, if the two week scenario were posed to each, Tanya would probably have fewer goals and dreams to pursue, and Daria may find herself scrambling to accomplish all that she had put off until later.
Would you have a long list of things to get done like Daria, or would it be perhaps a more aggressive continuation of your day to day living like Tanya? What are some things that you could do to put your goals and dreams in the here and now? What beliefs would you have to embrace or thoughts might you have to discard? Create your own ‘today’ and make it all that you want it to be. Become the master of your destiny while you’ve the time to enjoy it and can mold it any way you want. I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying, “Live each day as though it were your last.” Life is too short and there are no guarantees. Why waste the chance to have all that you want and live life to the fullest every step of the way. Just imagine the possibilities, then go out and make them your reality.
How to Become a Great Leader
Great leaders Influence other people by understanding them and gaining their trust and support.
Effective leaders have the ability to understand how other people think, which includes their desires, motivations, requirements and wants. Once people realize that you actually care, they will undoubtedly follow you. You must show that you are one of THEM and that you will lead them to bigger and greater accomplishments. Without gaining trust and support your leadership days are over.
Great leaders empower others to reach their full potential to support their vision.
All the extraordinarily successful owners of companies such as Google, Microsoft and Dell have empowered other great leaders to support their company and vision. They cannot run the company by themselves and they have a high belief in the capability of others. By empowering the best leaders around them, they also continuously learn and become even greater leaders themselves. This in turns creates a nucleus of great leaders and creates a mind-bogglingly successful company or team.
The great leaders always, always find a way to win.
Great leaders do not accept defeat. Winston Churchill or even the great sports leaders such as Michael Jordan always found ways to rise above the challenge. And their passion profoundly influenced everybody around them to rally together and become victorious. Great leaders will do everything in their power to prevail. Through uniting people towards a common cause, using a variety of people’s skills and never accepting defeat, the greatest leaders are born.
1. Great leaders Influence other people by understanding them and gaining their trust and support.
2. Great leaders empower others to reach their full potential to support their vision.
3. The great leaders always, always find a way to win.
Effective leaders have the ability to understand how other people think, which includes their desires, motivations, requirements and wants. Once people realize that you actually care, they will undoubtedly follow you. You must show that you are one of THEM and that you will lead them to bigger and greater accomplishments. Without gaining trust and support your leadership days are over.
Great leaders empower others to reach their full potential to support their vision.
All the extraordinarily successful owners of companies such as Google, Microsoft and Dell have empowered other great leaders to support their company and vision. They cannot run the company by themselves and they have a high belief in the capability of others. By empowering the best leaders around them, they also continuously learn and become even greater leaders themselves. This in turns creates a nucleus of great leaders and creates a mind-bogglingly successful company or team.
The great leaders always, always find a way to win.
Great leaders do not accept defeat. Winston Churchill or even the great sports leaders such as Michael Jordan always found ways to rise above the challenge. And their passion profoundly influenced everybody around them to rally together and become victorious. Great leaders will do everything in their power to prevail. Through uniting people towards a common cause, using a variety of people’s skills and never accepting defeat, the greatest leaders are born.
1. Great leaders Influence other people by understanding them and gaining their trust and support.
2. Great leaders empower others to reach their full potential to support their vision.
3. The great leaders always, always find a way to win.
Personal Development: Free your Spirit
Personal Development: Free your Spirit: "Can you think of people you know that you feel that their Spirit is free? They are open, they exude warmth and vitality, and they generall..."
Personal Development: Free your Spirit
Personal Development: Free your Spirit: "Can you think of people you know that you feel that their Spirit is free? They are open, they exude warmth and vitality, and they generall..."
Free your Spirit
Can you think of people you know that you feel that their Spirit is free? They are open, they exude warmth and vitality, and they generally are laughing or smiling and are very relaxed, peaceful. Generally these people are memorable because, unfortunately in our culture today, there are few people who are experiencing this kind of freedom of the Spirit. So many people are locked in fear and attempts to control themselves, others and the outcome of events. One cannot feel this freedom of Spirit and be in a state of trying to control something at the same time. So the first guideline in Freeing Your Spirit is:
1. Let Go of Control
In this moment, are you attempting to control something - check in and see. If your body is feeling tense and your breathing is shallow you are probably trying to control something - you may not even be conscious of what you are trying to control but your body is giving you feedback that you indeed are trying to control. When we are in a state of Freedom of the Spirit our bodies feel light and relaxed. If you worrying, then you are attempting to control by the worry. The belief is “If I worry enough about something I will be able to figure out a way to prevent something bad from happening.”
2. Move from thoughts of Fear to thoughts of Faith
Thoughts of faith and trust are true thoughts connected to your true nature - which is Spirit. You are a Spirit living in an earthly body. Fear thoughts are generated by the ego/false self and have no basis in reality. They are generally thoughts of projected fears of the future or fears from false/limiting beliefs handed down from the family system. People often buy into these thoughts - begin to react to them and then think they are true. So often we can terrify ourselves with these kinds of thoughts. Choosing to be in faith and trust is a choice - it does not happen automatically. Moment by moment ask yourself, is this thought one of faith or one of fear? An example of a fear thought vs. a thought of faith - “I can’t achieve my dream, I don’t have what it takes” (fear thought) vs. “I can do anything I can dream of - the world is full of infinite possibilities.” (faith thought).
Faith thoughts are light and expansive - and have that same effect on the body. Fear thoughts are heavy and constrictive - creating tension in the body. So you can observe which kind of thoughts you are entertaining throughout the day - ones of fear or faith. If you identify a fear thought just say to yourself “This is not true” and switch to a faith thought - like switching a channel. The good thing about practicing this thought switching is that each time you switch from fear to faith, you are actually building neuropathways that support these positive thoughts, which make it easier to shift into these thoughts in the future. The more you are able to NOT go into the fears and negative thoughts, the more you help to extinguish the neuropathways that reinforce these thought patterns.
3. Move your Body, Free Your Spirit
Fear thoughts can be so entrenched, especially if those neuropathways are well established, that initially attempting to shift the thoughts to faith can be challenging. So then it’s time to move your body. Walk, or one of my favorites is dancing. Anything to move the stuck energy through your body. You see the negative thought patterns actually energetically clog your energy system and it is difficult to shift to the lighter, higher frequency thoughts with the lower, dense energy of the fear pulling your energy down. When you feel “stuck” it is literally because your energy is stuck, clogged in your body from your negative thought patterns. What can be helpful is to move this energy through so you can open up to the lighter, positive thoughts of faith. Any kind of movement - walking, running, dancing and other forms of exercise will help this congested energy release. Breathwork(deep diaphragmatic breathing), singing, chanting and laughing are also ways to move this energy through. Your Spirit is housed in your body and it is important to feel all of the sensations of your body. This allows you a deeper experience of your Spirit.
4. Practice being in a “Free Spirit” state
We all have had experiences of feeling our true self, our Spirit fully expressing itself in the world, not holding anything back - the love in our hearts flowing out. This sense of freedom, joy, lightness, and openness is our natural state of being, so if you are not feeling this very often then it is safe to say that you had a lid on your true self, your Spirit. It is being confined and held back. It takes a lot of energy to suppress the enormous energy and vitality that is in your Spirit. Often people put the lid on so long ago they forgot what it feels like to have the lid off - to be in full connection with their Spirit. What can be helpful is to begin to practice being in this state again. It may feel foreign or uncomfortable but it will be the most important journey you will take - the journey back to your Spirit. Spending time with people who have a Free Spirit can be contagious and supportive of you becoming more free.
Build Your Strong Relationships at Work
Finding Your Allies
Building Strong and Supportive Relationships at Work
A problem shared is a problem halved", as the old saying goes, and it's true in business as well. When it comes to working your way through the challenges that you face every day, it's a great help to be able to draw on a network of supportive individuals that you can work with to find a solution.
Allies are the people who give you backing, assistance, advice, information, protection, and even friendship. They are your support base. With strong, mutually beneficial relationships with your allies, you can survive and thrive in the corporate arena, and you can get things done quicker, and more smoothly.
Working together with allies simply helps you and them achieve more. (Here, we're using the word "ally" in it's positive sense - we're not implying that you're trying to circumvent proper channels, engage in politics or game-play, or create any kind of "us and them" culture. It is clearly wrong to behave in this way.)
Anyone and everyone who can help you achieve your objectives is a potential ally. Some are natural: These are people who share a common interest with you. The colleague who's been around for years and can offer an invaluable voice of experience, the team member who is always happy to be a sounding board for your ideas, or the vendor who is ready to accept seemingly-impossible deadlines; these people are your natural allies.
But you can find allies in unexpected places too. Alex in finance, who pulls together an extra report on your projects finances; Claire, the secretary, who tells you when the boss is in a good mood; or Simon, your ex-department head who is always available for advice. They too are important allies.
So who could your allies be? Just your team mates? Actually, your list of potential allies goes much further than this!
The table below provides an example list of allies, with the support you might be able to receive from them, and the returns you might be expected to provide to them.
Nurture your allies, and you'll find that you can be so much more effective at getting things done. What's more, things will get so much easier and more pleasant at work!
Allies are the people who give you backing, assistance, advice, information, protection, and even friendship. They are your support base. With strong, mutually beneficial relationships with your allies, you can survive and thrive in the corporate arena, and you can get things done quicker, and more smoothly.
Working together with allies simply helps you and them achieve more. (Here, we're using the word "ally" in it's positive sense - we're not implying that you're trying to circumvent proper channels, engage in politics or game-play, or create any kind of "us and them" culture. It is clearly wrong to behave in this way.)
Anyone and everyone who can help you achieve your objectives is a potential ally. Some are natural: These are people who share a common interest with you. The colleague who's been around for years and can offer an invaluable voice of experience, the team member who is always happy to be a sounding board for your ideas, or the vendor who is ready to accept seemingly-impossible deadlines; these people are your natural allies.
But you can find allies in unexpected places too. Alex in finance, who pulls together an extra report on your projects finances; Claire, the secretary, who tells you when the boss is in a good mood; or Simon, your ex-department head who is always available for advice. They too are important allies.
| Allies can help you directly and indirectly. For instance, if you're running behind schedule on a project, your subordinate can help you directly by working longer hours, while your boss can help you indirectly by delegating another part of your workload to someone else. |
Building Your Personal Support Base
This is one of the reasons that it's important to be open and supportive to others in the workplace, and why it's worth making at least some of your time available to help others out when they need help. After all, if you're a positive and supportive person, many other people will be equally supportive towards you.So who could your allies be? Just your team mates? Actually, your list of potential allies goes much further than this!
The table below provides an example list of allies, with the support you might be able to receive from them, and the returns you might be expected to provide to them.
| Potential Ally | What He/She Could Do for You | What He/She Might Be Expecting in Return |
| Team Members | Assist you with regular tasks Be loyal Be a sounding board | Assistance with regular tasks Loyalty Recognition Credit – given both publicly and privately |
| Boss | Protect you Champion you Help you in career advancement | Loyalty Support Assistance with his/her tasks Commitment Willingness to go the extra mile Image building |
| Senior Management Members | Protect you Champion you Help you in career advancement | Loyalty Support Commitment Willingness to go the extra mile Image building |
| Support Staff | Willing performance of day-to-day functions Cooperation | Appreciation Attention Recognition |
| Gateway People (Secretaries, Executive Assistants) | Provide you with access to crucial information and people | Appreciation Attention Recognition |
| Family | Provide moral support, appreciation, understanding | Moral support Appreciation Understanding |
| More Experienced Colleagues | Provide expertise, perspective, contacts, knowledge | Respect Recognition Attention |
| Networking Allies | Keep you abreast of the general buzz Provide you advance information and background knowledge Provide you contacts Alert you to emerging trends and patterns | Advance information Background knowledge Contacts Alerts about emerging trends and patterns |
| Interest Groups | Build influence Mobilize support Provide you with data | Assistance for their cause |
| Community Members | Build influence Mobilize support Provide you with data | Assistance for their cause |
| Press | Build influence Mobilize support | Information |
| Government | Build influence Mobilize support | Assistance for their cause |
| Clients | Provide inputs for new product development initiatives Provide referrals Provide preferential status | Preferential status Willingness to go extra mile Business leads Referrals |
| Vendors | Provide extra assistance Provide preferential status | Preferential status Business leads Referrals |
| Tip 1: Don't be naïve in the way that you approach people - be aware of people's interests and duties, and understand that these may conflict with yours. Also, recognize that they may not be able to help you, for a variety of possible reasons including a very heavy workload. And with all this talk of mutual help and information sharing, make absolutely sure that you keep confidential information confidential! Tip 2: Allies can't help you if you're not doing your job properly. Make sure you make time to look after your allies, but make sure too that you do your job to the best of your abilities. |
Nurture your allies, and you'll find that you can be so much more effective at getting things done. What's more, things will get so much easier and more pleasant at work!
Tips To Build High Self-Esteem
When you mention high self-esteem many of us think of some “over-confident”, egoistic person who has lost the sense of reality and trying to appear more than who he really is. In my opinion there is no such a thing that being too confident, having too high “amount” of self-esteem. But pretending to be self confident and showing the signs of it on the surface and living with somebody else inside that do exist.
The outside recognition could make you believe in something what you are actually not. Great examples are gang members, belonging to a certain group just because my friends go there, church, party goers etc. You can have positive feedback from them, you can pretend to feel happy among them, but if those feelings and experiences do not match with your beliefs you would not have healthy high self-esteem.
You always have to look for the company of others who can support you with their constructive criticism. Your friends’ honest opinion - even if it means that you have to change certain habits or your attitude - is more important than bold agreement.
Building high self-esteem is a learned process. Everybody, I mean everybody can do that. You just have to decide to do that.
Here are some tips to help you out;
1. FOCUS: Every single cell of your body and your mental capacity has to concentrate on 1 single thing whatever you do. Focus itself can create success. Concentration is an indispensable part of high self-esteem. It will teach you how to ignore obstructions and guide your thoughts toward the chosen subject.
2. PERSISTENCE: This is the key to live a happy, blissful life you all deserve. Many people can start something, but really few would finish it. You can find those who complete the job among the most successful and/or the wealthiest people in the world. The reason I use and/or, because to be successful you do not necessarily have to be rich in financial terms.
Mahatma Gandhi - the Great Soul of India - started fasting and the British Empire left India. He had probably no high value assets or bank accounts. He had an enormous mental and spiritual power to show people around the world, that you can achieve what you want without aggression if you are determined enough. His persistence was peaceful and “soft”. That is how he became a legend.
3. TRIAL & ERROR: We all try and make mistakes. This is inevitable for our personal growth. The more you fail the more you learn.
Think of Thomas Edison who was asked after trying to create a light bulb 10000 times unsuccessfully :
“- Mr. Edison, how did it feel to fail 10000 times?”
“- I did not fail. I found 10000 ways that won’t work. - he replied.”
That’s the spirit. You do not fail, you just learn how not to do it.
You have to start the healing process for developing high self-esteem as soon as possible. Educate yourself, read, listen and talk to people, but please remember that at the final moment you have to make the decision. You are your own “healer”. You are the one who will choose pleasure instead of pain. Self-discovery, self-creation is a wonderful journey, so
ENJOY THE JOURNEY MY FRIEND
Thinking On Your Feet
How to Think on Your Feet
It comes as no surprise that listening is critical to thinking on your feet. Why do you need to listen? To make sure you fully understand the question or request before you reply. If you answer too soon, you risk going down a line of thinking that is unnecessary or inappropriate. To help you with your listening remember to:
If you're feeling particularly under pressure, ask for the question to be repeated. This gives you a bit more time to think about your response.
At first glance people think this will only make them look unsure. It doesn’t. It makes you look concerned that you give an appropriate response. It also gives the questioner an opportunity to rephrase and ask a question that is more on point. Remember, the questioner may well have just “thought on his or her feet” to ask the question, so when you give them a second chance, the question may well be better articulated and clearer to all.
By asking to have the question repeated you also get another opportunity to assess the intentions of the questioner. If it is more specific or better worded, chances are the person really wants to learn more. If the repeated question is more aggressive than the first one, then you know the person is more interested in making you uncomfortable than anything else. When that’s the case, the next tip comes in very handy.
4. Use Stall Tactics
Sometimes you need more time to get your thoughts straight and calm yourself down enough to make a clear reply. The last thing you want to do is blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind. Often this is a defensive comment that only makes you look insecure and anxious rather than confident and composed.
Wrap up your response with a quick summary statement. After that, resist adding more information. There may well be silence after your summary. Don’t make the common mistake of filling the silence with more information! This is the time when other people are absorbing the information you have given. If you persist with more information, you may end up causing confusion and undoing the great work you’ve already done in delivering your response.
Use words to indicate you are summarizing (i.e. “in conclusion,” “finally”) or briefly restate the question and your answer. So - what did I do to analyze customer impacts? I reviewed theDallas
Key points:
No one enjoys being putting on the spot or answering questions that you aren’t fully expecting. The uncertainty can be stressful. That stress doesn’t need to be unmanageable and you can think on your feet if you remember the strategies we just discussed. Essentially, thinking on your feet means staying in control of the situation. Ask questions, buy time for yourself, and remember to stick to one point and make that one point count. When you are able to zoom in on the key areas of concern, you’ll answer like an expert and you impress your audience, and yourself, with your confidence and poise.
The secret of thinking on your feet is to be prepared: Learn some skills and approaches, and do some preparation for situations that might put you under pressure. Then when you do find yourself faced with unexpected questions and debate, you’ll be ready to draw on these tactics and preparation, and so stay poised while you compose your thoughts and prepare your response. Here are some tips and tactics:
1. Relax
This is often the opposite of how you are feeling when you're under pressure, but in order for your voice to remain calm and for your brain to “think”, you have to be as relaxed as possible.
1. Relax
This is often the opposite of how you are feeling when you're under pressure, but in order for your voice to remain calm and for your brain to “think”, you have to be as relaxed as possible.
- Take deep breaths
- Take a second and give yourself a positive and affirming message
- Clench invisible muscles (thighs, biceps, feet) for a few seconds and release.
It comes as no surprise that listening is critical to thinking on your feet. Why do you need to listen? To make sure you fully understand the question or request before you reply. If you answer too soon, you risk going down a line of thinking that is unnecessary or inappropriate. To help you with your listening remember to:
- Look directly at the questioner
- Observe body language as well as what is being spoken
- Try to interpret what is being suggested by the question or request. Is this an attack, a legitimate request for more information, or a test? Why is this person asking this and what is the intention?
Tip:
Remember that the person is asking a question because he or she is interested. Some interest is positive – they simply want to know more – and some is negative – they want to see you squirm. Either way they are interested in what you have to say. It’s your privilege and pleasure not to disappoint them!
3. Have the Question RepeatedRemember that the person is asking a question because he or she is interested. Some interest is positive – they simply want to know more – and some is negative – they want to see you squirm. Either way they are interested in what you have to say. It’s your privilege and pleasure not to disappoint them!
If you're feeling particularly under pressure, ask for the question to be repeated. This gives you a bit more time to think about your response.
At first glance people think this will only make them look unsure. It doesn’t. It makes you look concerned that you give an appropriate response. It also gives the questioner an opportunity to rephrase and ask a question that is more on point. Remember, the questioner may well have just “thought on his or her feet” to ask the question, so when you give them a second chance, the question may well be better articulated and clearer to all.
By asking to have the question repeated you also get another opportunity to assess the intentions of the questioner. If it is more specific or better worded, chances are the person really wants to learn more. If the repeated question is more aggressive than the first one, then you know the person is more interested in making you uncomfortable than anything else. When that’s the case, the next tip comes in very handy.
4. Use Stall Tactics
Sometimes you need more time to get your thoughts straight and calm yourself down enough to make a clear reply. The last thing you want to do is blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind. Often this is a defensive comment that only makes you look insecure and anxious rather than confident and composed.
- Repeat the question yourself. This gives you time to think and you clarify exactly what is being asked. It also allows you to rephrase if necessary and put a positive spin on the request. “How have I considered the impact on customers in order to make sure they have a continued positive experience during the expansion?”
- Narrow the focus. Here, you ask a question of your own to not only clarify, but to bring the question down to a manageable scope. “You’re interested in hearing how I’ve considered customer impacts. What impacts are you most interested in: Product availability or in-store service? “
- Ask for clarification. Again, this will force the questioner to be more specific and hopefully get more to a specific point. “When you say you want to know how I’ve analyzed customer impacts, do you mean you want a detailed analysis or a list of the tools and methods I used?”
- Ask for a definition. Jargon and specific terminology may present a problem for you. Ask to have words and ideas clarified to ensure you are talking about the same thing.
- 5. Use Silence to your Advantage
We are conditioned to believe that silence is uncomfortable. However, if you use it sparingly, it communicates that you are in control of your thoughts and confident in your ability to answer expertly. When you rush to answer you also typically rush your words. Pausing to collect your thoughts tells your brain to slow everything down.
6. Stick to One Point and One Supporting Piece of Information
There’s a high risk that, under pressure, you’ll answer a question with either too much or too little information. If you give too short an answer, you risk letting the conversation slip into interrogation mode. (You’ll get another question, and the questioner will be firmly in control of how the dialogue unfolds). When your reply is too long, you risk losing people’s interest, coming across as boring, or giving away things that are better left unsaid. Remember, you aren’t being asked to give a speech on the subject. The questioner wants to know something. Respect that and give them an answer, with just enough supporting information.
This technique gives you focus. Rather than trying to tie together all the ideas that are running through your head, when you pick one main point and one supporting fact, you allow yourself to answer accurately and assuredly.
7. Prepare Some “What Ifs?”
With a bit of forethought, it’s often possible to predict the types of questions you might be asked, so you can prepare and rehearse some answers to questions that might come your way. Let’s say you are presenting the monthly sales figures to your management team. The chances are your report will cover most of the obvious questions that the management team might have, but what other questions might you predict? What’s different about this month? What new questions might be asked? How would you respond? What additional information might you need to have to hand to support more detailed questions?
In particular, spend some time brainstorming the most difficult questions that people might ask, and prepare and rehearse good answers to them.
8. Practice Clear Delivery
How you say something is almost as important as what you say. If you mumble or use “umm” or “ah” between every second word, confidence in what you are saying plummets. Whenever you are speaking with people, make a point to practice these key oration skills:
- Speak in a strong voice. (Don’t confuse strong with loud!)
- Use pauses strategically to emphasize a point or slow yourself down
- Vary your tone and pay attention to how your message will be perceived given the intonation you use
- Use eye contact appropriately
- Pay attention to your grammar
- Use the level of formality that is appropriate to the situation.
Wrap up your response with a quick summary statement. After that, resist adding more information. There may well be silence after your summary. Don’t make the common mistake of filling the silence with more information! This is the time when other people are absorbing the information you have given. If you persist with more information, you may end up causing confusion and undoing the great work you’ve already done in delivering your response.
Use words to indicate you are summarizing (i.e. “in conclusion,” “finally”) or briefly restate the question and your answer. So - what did I do to analyze customer impacts? I reviewed the
Key points:
No one enjoys being putting on the spot or answering questions that you aren’t fully expecting. The uncertainty can be stressful. That stress doesn’t need to be unmanageable and you can think on your feet if you remember the strategies we just discussed. Essentially, thinking on your feet means staying in control of the situation. Ask questions, buy time for yourself, and remember to stick to one point and make that one point count. When you are able to zoom in on the key areas of concern, you’ll answer like an expert and you impress your audience, and yourself, with your confidence and poise.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)